Well dear Reader, it’s that time again. It feels like forever since I’ve shared something other than life milestone related stories. Unintentionally so, as as a parent, having time to reflect at the end of the day is a luxury that the majority of us cannot afford. So I’ve fell into the trap of sharing the things that we have done, which takes less effort than to sit and think and discuss my thoughts and feelings.
I’m sure we can all agree that can be a challenge for the majority of us at the best of times, which is perhaps multiplied by 10 during the current climate. If I can recall, I think the last time I opened up a proper dialog was to discuss why it was that I began blogging in the first place (https://fortheloveoflawrence.wordpress.com/2018/05/22/why-i-blog-and-why-it-might-be-good-if-you-did-too/), and I suppose I would like to revisit this if you will allow.
I miss the feeling of connecting with others, I’m not satisfied with simple sharing. This is only emphasized in a period of time where so many of us are physically isolated and almost trapped within our own homes. Making that connection that we all require as a basic need that much harder to come by. So many of us, myself included have found this experience to be a drain physically, emotionally and mentally.
So, how are you? No really. Let’s be honest, how are you feeling? How are you finding things? What are you working towards? What has been taken from you and what do you miss? What are you hopefully for? What are you thankful for? Please, do share.
Me? I’m a whirlwind of emotions at the best of times, I feel like a compass, spinning around at the whim of the wind. My mood does not tend to start and end the same way, I feel fear, anxiety and despair, and loneliness some days, but without fear, no matter what negative feelings I have during those days, I always, always feel extreme love and gratitude for my family unit – no matter how hard some days can be, they ground me an remind me of what is most important.
I’m finding motherhood to be a natural skill that has blossomed within me and I’m currently hammering out the juggling act of working from home whilst being a parent. It’s not always easy, but I am grateful to be in this position, I feel so much more secure than I would have been to return back to the office right now.
What has been taken from me? I suppose to a degree my freedom, but more importantly and heart-breakingly so, my family and friends, I miss them so much. During a period of time that should have been a time to have those closest and dearest to you, around your home, welcoming and celebrating the birth of your new family member, it has actually been a heavily isolating period of time. My grandparents have only met our son once since he was born (he is nearly 10 months old) and some friends are yet to meet him. But it has taught me a lot of things, it’s taught me just how much I love those dearest to me and that despite ‘it taking a village to raise a child’ I’ve also shown myself just how truly strong and capable I can be, it’s been a true test of those skills, of resilience, strength and the motivation to fight forward.
I’m currently working towards showing my son the best of a work life balance. Showing him the importance of work and of raising a home and family and the nurturing that comes with that. I’m working towards building a home that is suited to our needs, now and for future plans. I’,m working towards providing my family with the best experiences I possibly can currently. I’m working at trying to be the best family member and friend I can be right now and it has also come to my attention that I need to perhaps start looking within, focusing on my own self care again and making sure my body and mind are being cared for.
I’m hopefully for a future where we take things so much less for granted, that we are much more thankful for the little things,that are actually the luxuries. I’m hopeful for a time where we will be able to hug and embrace our families and friends again, where I can walk outside without fear and I am so so grateful for having all my family unit as one in our home, that we aren’t separated, that our extended family is safe and well and that one day this will all be a distance memory.
So dear reader, please use this time, this space here as a safe spot to gather your thoughts. To not take in heads of information and images. To take the time you need to sit and think about how you are actually doing, what you need right now, and I do hope you will share.
Until next time,